i don’t know if this is me finding justifications for my identity as a nonbinary/genderqueer individual or if it’s just that they kind of make sense now but i keep kinda finding little ~hints~ in my past
like a scavanger hunt! buried treasure (gender treasure)!
but yeah so my cousins and my sister and i all used to play little imaginary games where we’d create a character to sort of larp lol and looking back all of mine had names like jo and sam (although one was like, uh, viper or something, she was a spy) and had short hair and were athletic, even though i was the least athletic child and couldn’t even run in a straight line without tripping. i remember really wanting to be an athlete but without actually playing the sports haha
i liked dresses until i was, ummm, six or seven, i think, and then i suddenly refused to wear them. it baffled my mother completely. after a while i’d wear them occasionally, or we’d be out shopping and i’d find a dress for an event and then i’d refuse to wear it then because it made me feel bad when i did. and then in high school i started again when i felt like it (and i’d be so confused by the times when i felt like dressing up but couldn’t wear a dress), but there was a while when i’d throw a screaming fit instead, if my mom tried to get me to wear one.
and a few months ago i found a journal entry i made…oh, three years or so back, talking about my gender identity before i even kind of knew what being nonbinary was, other than that it existed. it was steeped in ignorance, and i think at one point i said “i know reading this would make it seem like i’m genderqueer but i know i’m not!” or something lol oh past me way to just make assumptions. i think my logic might have been bc i knew i identified as female sometimes buuuuut see yeah there are tons of nonbinary ppl who are fluid or somehow polygender and i didn’t know that, and i also didn’t kind of realize that it’s…layered. like baklava! except fluid. i’m trying not to use a new food metaphor and for some reason the idea of my gender as a parfait is abhorrent to me. this post is so off track but omg today in history we talked about when sayings like “get off track” came into being and it was in the gilded age when the railroads were becoming big!! NEAT. HISTORY IS SO NEAT.
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- fuckyeahbatgirls said: I keep doing that too! Thinking back to these little things and going “oh, hey, yeah”. The dresses thing happened with me, too.
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